Music Madness

Every year there is a “Song of the Summer”. It’s played on every radio station at least once per hour. If you listen to anything other than talk radio, chances are you can’t avoid it. It’s on television, the Internet, and every teen’s iPod. And once you’ve heard it, it is in your head for months.

This year, the song that seemed to be inescapable was “Blurred Lines” by Robin Thicke, featuring T.I. and Pharrrell. Now, this song is one of those songs that is, literally, on ALL THE TIME. Radio, iPod, television, Internet, or some kid singing off key on the sidewalk – it’s all “Blurred Lines”. And it doesn’t stop there.

The video for this song is absurd and features a bunch of models in plastic flesh colored bikinis walking and dancing around the singers. Just when you think, “How sexist can you get?” you see the uncensored version on the Internet where the same models do the same things but (what a twist!) they are topless. The song is about sex, so there you go.

But wait. There’s more. There’s the VMAs.

We’ve been waiting to see what child star would crack next and it looks like it’s Miley Cyrus’s turn. After prancing around in a weird teddy bear bathing suit, she stripped it off and SURPRISE she’s in a flesh colored bikini and singing with Robin Thicke, who is wearing Beetlejuice’s suit from 1988, and waving a number one big fan hand thing with painted on nails (backwards, by the way – look at the way the fingernails face). Now, this was bad enough. But it got worse.

Miley then began a series of weird tongue gyrations that reminded me of Gene Simmons back in the old KISS days and started using her big fan hand finger for naughty things. It was on Robin Thicke’s crotch, between her own legs from the front and the back, and is probably becoming mass produced for the sex toy market as we speak.

If this wasn’t enough to wipe sweet little Hannah Montana from your memory, she twerks. If you don’t know what twerking is, Urban Dictionary defines it as “The rhythmic gyrating of the lower fleshy extremities in a lascivious manner with the intent to elicit sexual arousal or laughter in ones intended audience”. Miley wasn’t getting laughs. She bent over at the waist, backed up to Robin Thicke’s “lower fleshy extremities” and twerked her little behind off. With her tongue out. And the giant finger between her legs. It was horrifying.

Now, let’s put this in context. Had Lady Gaga done it, it would have been no big deal. She’s naked and gyrating most of the time anyway (with the exception of her bizarre sub-standard VMA performance, but that’s off topic). Katy Perry? Eh. Not so bad. But Miley Cyrus? She isn’t even 21 years old and spent 4 seasons and 2 movies as the cute teen singer Hannah Montana on the Disney Channel. Robin Thick is 36, married, and has a three year old son. That seems really creepy, now, doesn’t it?

I wonder if Lady Gaga is jealous that her seashell and G-string didn’t get the same attention…